Flying with a new airline makes me apprehensive. What if they don’t know what they’re doing with their years of experience in the aviation industry as opposed to me, the almost frequent flyer? The only way to cope with what is sugar-coated anxiety really is to pretend I’m rich, which I certainly act like at any and every airport for no apparent reason, and go shopping. I said this to my colleague/friend/source of confidence a few days ago. He claimed it’s normal. I see now that airports do in fact take full advantage of tourists’ inability to control their spending. I feel less alone somewhat. Not that that entails my sudden trust in the people handling me or my belongings.

I sort of, mostly, almost walked past the aisle of miniature cosmetics in Boots there. Okay, they had the tiny bottle of shampoo I could obviously just refill every time instead, in a different place. I am vegetarian and insist on the lights being turned off when leaving a room but Boots does things to me. We all have our vices. Will the planet survive them?

Anyway, can someone tell me who has the patience and inner peace to actually sit down in an airport restaurant to eat? I see the appeal. I spent much of covid-lockdown induced long layovers restaurant hopping through Heathrow airport. But when I get to the airport four hours prior just to be safe I’d much rather sit uncomfortably and stare at the screens with my WHSmith soggy sandwich in hand than being served a hot, healthy meal.

Today we’re flying Aurigny. The very friendly unbothered lady at the counter taught me how to pronounce it but I’ve already forgotten. I hope nameless airline does me proud because for this journey I have foregone my usual seat choice (I stand by the fact that if the plane crashes you’re much safer in the back – safe as you can be in a plane crash) on account of stinginess.

Just like UK supermarkets airlines can very much be ranked from the gourmet to mundane and by that I don’t mean the obvious price differences. I trust Ryanair about as far as I can throw them. Easyjet for the longest time made me feel severely overweight – that was until I flew British airways and discovered yes I do fit in an airplane seat more than comfortably. I will fly EasyJet however because my mum paid for their Frequent-flyer-whatever you-want-to-call-it – it’s certainly not a rewards program but an exercise in arithmetic. Also I like their app. This makes a difference. I once applied for a job purely because I liked how user-friendly their application was.

Loganair almost made it on my black list because they tried to take my hand luggage away after saying I could keep it. I cannot handle sudden changes – says the teacher and basically frequent flyer. They gave me lots of caramel logs – so Scottish of them – to make up for the inconvenience so they get a second chance.

Then there is British Airways, Lufthansa and KLM. KLM goes for pole position and … they take it – obviously. Their cheese sandwiches make all the difference. Also they were the only airline not cancelling their flights throughout the pandemic so they will forever occupy a space in that blood filled pump of mine. British Airways is basically the fish and chips of airlines. Can’t go wrong with it. On Lufthansa flights I pretend that my German passport qualifies me as a citizen of the plane making me double safe.

I have flown Virgin and Iberia before but due to anxiety-goggles and a debilitating case of regret about journeying to another continent I am unable to provide a review.

With the delay and the fact that the seat numbers are above the luggage compartments Aurigny is not off to a good start. Staring out of the window at the double decker Emirates plane I do feel however we are less likely to fall out of the sky. Also they have ginormous sick bags which is always a plus. Stay tuned.